Writer Clinic: Techniques For Good Description

Ideas about when to show and when to tell and other ways to describe that I've accumulated over the years. And I'm signing in Kennesaw May 31

Beginning in high school when I first seriously began working on being a writer, I read a lot of how-to-write books from the Cobb County library system and stashed away their suggestions in a Word document called “General Writing Tips.” I’m going to use these to assemble a series for my readers entitled “Writer Clinic.” This one will be free, but future such articles will be paywalled.

This one will be focused on description. Let’s start out with that old chestnut — “show, don’t tell.” Although this isn’t something one should cling to religiously — author Mary Robinette Kowal once cited a line from The Princess Bride about the need to sum up things quickly — if you’re going to describe, go beyond “it’s cold.”

For example, instead of saying “it’s cold,” describe what’s going on. Think the snow crunching under people’s feet, their breath steaming on the air, or the wind whipping through the air. The more vivid your description of the things that go under the umbrella of “it’s cold,” the better. You might not even need to say “it’s cold” — just give the reader a lot of imagery and they’ll understand. A member of my now-defunct writing group in Cobb County advised me to “trust my imagery” rather than describe a bunch of stuff (“show”) and THEN “tell.”

(Another example I got from one of those book is, rather than telling “Mary was an animal lover,” show her feeding her fat dog the best parts of a steak and saving the rest for her husband. That could go deeper than just “Mary was an animal lover” — the fact her dog is fat shows she expresses her affection in a way that’s not good for the recipient and there are likely problems in her marriage as well. That one anecdote can tell a lot about a character.)

Word choice can also be really helpful in setting the tone. I’m a horror writer primarily, so making the reader uneasy is a big part of my job. One example from (I think) British author Ramsey Campbell is describing windblown garbage or debris “scuttling” across the street. “Scuttle” literally means “to move quickly with short steps” and it’s often associated with insects, arachnids, etc. Someone uneasy with bugs would find that creepy. “Slither” (associated with snakes) would also set an unpleasant tone. Author Dean Koontz uses this, as well as the use of the word “swarm” (connotations of insects or rats) and explicit comparisons to snakes in his novel The Taking to describe torrents of water. Another couple phrases from my notes, which I believe come from Campbell’s The Parasite and I found in How To Write Tales of Horror, Fantasy, and Science Fiction are “twilight gathered like scum” and “the world looked drowned.” These make the situation sound pretty bleak already.

(Conversely, more cheerful-sounding words can set a happy tone.)

Description also needs to be authentic. Describing big-rigs filling up on unleaded gasoline rather than diesel will ruin a writer’s credibility. Details only someone really familiar with something will make it more authentic. Author Nancy Kress, for example, draws on her previous experience as a diner waitress by describing filling ketchup bottles or listening to a radio stuck atop a movable ceiling panel. This would make scenes taking place in a diner or a character who’s a diner waitress much more vivid. It might also help sell the book — wherever I got this from said it would show an editor that the author can write a “diner story.”

(In my case I worked one summer at the Whitewater park in Marietta and I remember a unique sunburn pattern resulting from my stretched uniform shirt collar dipping in a particular place. That’s something I’d definitely throw in if I were writing a story about working in a water park or working outside in the summer.)

Little details can be used to draw readers into a scene. One writing magazine I read in high school referenced Stephen Hunter’s novel Dirty White Boys — it included things like a dragonfly flashing in the sun as characters walk toward a house or someone’s glasses being cracked and blood running out from under them. This seems like something to be careful with, lest a multitude of details distract from the main point of the scene.

One can also repeat without being repetitive. If you describe an event in detail (“showing”) once and need to describe it in detail again (i.e. you’re not “telling”), use different details. Be “fresh” — new words, new phrases, etc.

Finally, many writers over-rely on visual description. People have five senses. Be sure to include sound, touch, smell, taste, and touch as well. Per my point above, describing a storm would include the sound of thunder and the ozone smell of lightning as well as seeing the lightning flashes or the thunderheads.

Putting the two ideas above could even be a way of “showing” characterization — instead of just saying a character is prissy, have them focus on getting wet, how uncomfortable they feel, get cranky and lash out at people, etc. Instead of merely telling a character is afraid of lightning, have them focus on lightning using a lot of sensory detail, in the most obsessive way possible. Show rather than tell their fear with sweat, shaking hands, etc. One character’s point of view could be used earlier and another’s used later to describe the same event.

Also, if you aspire to be a writer yourself, definitely see if your local library has got how-to-write books. Like I did, you can learn a lot from there.

This was originally intended to be a premium post, but I want as many people as possible to see what they’d be getting. As I mentioned earlier, future “Writer Clinic” posts will be pay-walled.

Signing at Second and Charles on May 31, 1-3 PM

Fellow author Lynette Bacon-Nguyen alerted me to a June 21st independent author fair slated for Second in Charles in Kennesaw on Barrett Parkway. Although I wasn’t able to get a vending slot there, I was able to set up my own event on May 31 from 1-3 PM.

I’ll have a table set up — completed with all my inventory and my usual banners — and visitors can get the book from me. The store will ring it up and you can bring it back for me to sign.

So if you’re convenient to Kennesaw, come on by! Second and Charles is a wonderland of used books, movies, games, etc. so there’re lots of things to buy cheap.