"Starcraft" Crackfic Idea (Starcraft 2 Spoilers)
On my alternate-history forum, in a thread that has de facto become a Starcraft 2 discussion thread, the board member whose handle is Faeelin said that he had a "sappy" idea for what the title of the upcoming Zerg campaign--"The Heart of the Swarm"--means. Here's his quote:
Sappy prediction: The Heart of the Swarm is about Kerrigan's power to take control of the Zerg post-cure. The Swarm get a heart. A human heart, with the power of wuv.
I added "and a buttload of guilt," considering Kerrigan's many crimes as the Queen of Blades and the fact that, if her caring, moral human consciousness is restored, she's not going to be a happy camper.
The board member whose handle is LordInsane added the following:
I get this wierd picture of Zerglings frolicking with kids and Overlords serving as transports in a Kuprulu Reconstruction project. After all, if Kerrigan is the Heart of the Swarm, and that heart feels a lot of guilt...
I said that gave me an idea for an SC2 "crackfic," which according to Urban Dictionary means: "A type of fanfiction (or original fiction) that is intentionally unbelievable and insane; often humorous. Usually short, one-shot (stories)."
So here's the "plot bunny":
Valerian uses the fact that he is the victor of Char, the conqueror of the Queen of Blades, and the fact his father has gotten really unpopular since the revelation he deliberately called the Zerg down on Tarsonis and he seized power for selfish reasons to overthrow his father Arcturus and take his place as Emperor of the Terran Dominion with the assistance of Jim Raynor (Raynor's Raiders) and Sarah Kerrigan (in control of much of the Zerg Swarm).
Once in power, Valerian pardons Raynor and Kerrigan for any crimes they may have committed against the Dominion, a move that is likely to be extremely unpopular if the human identity of "The Queen of Blades" becomes public knowledge.
The Dominion legislature (apparently there is one, with representatives of each constituent world) goes along with Valerian's pardon re: criminal charges--but votes to impose a gigantic civil penalty on Kerrigan for the carnage she's caused (which among other things, includes "casualties in the billions"). This settlement would be essentially unpayable by normal means.
Luckily, Kerrigan has got abnormal means at her command--billions of Zerg. She's a clever, resourceful woman, so she'll put the Swarm to work paying it off.
LordInsane's suggestion of using Overlords as a means of transportation is a good one, and I was able to expand the concept of a Zerglings-as-pets to devise some lyrics for what could be one of the creepiest children's songs imaginable:
"How much is that Zergling in the window? The one with the waggley...spines."
I also pondered how one could employ hydralisks and ultralisks in hunting or in rodeos--a cowboy who can successfully ride one of those without being made lunch would be exceptionally skilled.
I could write an entire "crackfic" devoted to all the ways Kerrigan could use the Swarm to pay reparations for all the damage her Zerg alter ego caused, but I've got things I need to work on, so I'll leave that up to my loyal readers. If you write it and post it, please be sure to tell where you got the idea (and include a link to my blog).
Have at it!